Languages we speak and Responses we make – Part 1
I have been reflecting as i prepare the program on Impactful conversation. The kind of Language we speak and the responses we make in our workspace. There have been times when i have been take aback by the statements made by managers or seniors. There have also been times when i felt satisfied by the reponse i made. We hardly realize what has hit us
Example
Managers have always found a way in communicating in a vague manner. They love rating the performances to make their point. For example. “Just want to share with you that Performance is relative” . “He is a better performer”. “She Speaks very well” “He handles the situation better in the crises situation” “You should have done it better”. Have you ever thought what was your reply and how you felt about it.
There are also times when you team members come and said to you many things. For example “They don’t listen to me” “Market schemes will only bring sales”. “Training programs are like holidays. Everyone is looking forward to it”. “Sales is a tough job”. “Its never easy to manage a large team”. I am sure you would have face similar statements. So what have been your reply
The language matters
There are a lot of things that happens between the surface structure and the deep structure of the language. We hear what has been said. Have we figured out as to what were the intentions of the statement. We are normally lost out there. Never thinking beyond what has been said. The more aligned we are as to what has been said and what were the intentions or what we say and what we mean, the more cohorent our messages will be. And more likely to play the role of a leader no matter what the context. We will be able to create Impactful Conversations. Language we speak and the response we make matters
Within the deep structure of our mind, we process the information in very unique ways. There are lot od deletions of informations happen, there are generalizations of the situation we do based of previous experience and there are distortions of the situations by emphasizing on one part of the story.
The response
In the above examples we shared, when explored closed you will discover that there are statements being made, however there is no idea as to who said it. “They dont listen to me” is just a statement. You may assume that the whole team is not listening to him. However, the speaker has conviniently deleted as to “who specifically”. Typicall you response should be “Who specifically does not listen to you?”. In a way you are bringing forth the elements he has deleted in his conversation
In another example we shared. When you manager has said “She speaks very well”, he has also deleted a significant amout of information. He has made a statement. However, if you could ask him “She speaks very well compared to whom”, a lot of information comes around from your manager and the situations becomes clearer.
Summary
There examples shared are typical when the speaker is deleting a significant level of information while conversing. They represent to types of deletions Comparative deletions and Lack of referential Index. There are other types of deletions as well. The greater the awareness on how speakers delete part of their conversation, the greater will be your ability to bring forth what was missed. In the world out there, Language we speak and the responses we make matters and they define our leadership ability
